Valerie's Story

Valerie and Rick

Valerie’s rebellion was silent.  She wasn’t trying to be bad, but at 13 she just wanted someone to notice that the hurt reached deep down to her core when her parents told her they were divorcing. The pain she was feeling produced some poor choices throughout her teenage years.

With the oppression that seemed to accompany her everywhere and the sorrow over the death of her grandmother during that time, the aching Valerie was experiencing became physical as well as emotional.  She wasn’t feeling well and went to see a doctor.  Thinking it was stress, she instead found out she was 4 ½ months pregnant. 

She was 19 years old, unwed, not even in a serious relationship, and she was scared.  Either the baby was going to die because the placenta had detached, or she was going to die.  Both of them lived.  Her tiny baby boy was born premature at only 2 ½ pounds.  Valerie gave him up for adoption.  God had a plan for him.  Valerie learned of a family who had been trying to have a baby for several years.   Many couples yearn to take the love they have and give it to another woman’s child.  This was one of those couples.  They named their new son Brandon.

Although Valerie sensed some warning signs when she later met her first husband, she pushed them aside.  They were married for four years and had a son, Nathaniel, together. She found out that her husband was doing drugs behind her back.  He was verbally abusive to her.  She found pot in his pockets while doing his laundry.  Valerie’s brother and her first husband had been friends. They had been go-karting together when a terrible accident happened – her brother’s aorta tore on impact, and he died shortly after.

Valerie became very angry.  She was angry that her brother was gone.  She was angry for the way her husband treated her.  About a year after her brother’s accident, Valerie filed for divorce.   Full of hurt and dealing with much pain, she started drinking.  After several years, she reached a moment of desperation and cried out to God.  She was attending church but wasn’t living the life she was meant to live.  It wasn’t the kind of life she wanted for Nathaniel, and it wasn’t the life she wanted for herself either.  “God,” she finally proclaimed, “I don’t want to be this way anymore.”  That was the moment Valerie rededicated her life.  It was also during that time that she forgave her first husband.  She felt such a relief come over her.  The floodgates opened up, and she could hear the voice of God. 

Valerie was a single mom and made the choice not to drink or smoke cigarettes any longer.  She completely died to self.  She was hungry for so much more.  She wanted to know more of Jesus. Valerie realized that she needed to get wise counseling to work through what she was feeling over the loss of her brother and the loss of her marriage.  She needed to realize herself that she needed help, and that’s where her journey began.  Her counselor told her that she didn’t have to settle anymore, but Valerie also knew she needed time to heal.  Valerie wanted to get her life straight.  She wanted to get married again and didn’t want to bring any baggage into a new marriage.  She wanted a kingdom, Godly marriage. 

From sound, biblical teaching, Valerie learned that her words mattered.  Her words were life and death.  In her prayer time, she called forth a husband who is a man of God, who loves Jesus, and who must also love Nathaniel as a son.  She and Nathaniel would take communion together.  She would pull Nathaniel close and ask him what he was believing for.  “Mom, I’m believing for a daddy, and I’m believing to meet my brother.”  Valerie wanted to show Nathaniel what faith was – believing for her husband before she even met him and believing to meet Brandon.

Brandon’s adoptive mother kept in touch with Valerie by writing letters and sending pictures to update her on Brandon’s life.  This went on for 15 years.  Valerie prayed about meeting Brandon sometime.  She trusted the Lord completely.  She was standing on Romans 4:21 – she was fully persuaded that God would answer her prayer. 

That was one of many prayers that was answered. Valerie and Nathaniel met Brandon when he was 16 years old. God is always working behind the scenes on our behalf.  It’s all in His timing.  Valerie is fully convinced that our words have power when we put our full trust in the Lord.  Brandon is now 34 years old.  They’ve been getting together regularly for holidays all these years.   The cycle had gone full circle with Valerie, releasing Brandon unto the Lord, and then the Lord returning him back to her.  Her healing began when she chose to forgive her first husband, setting loose into God’s hands the pain he had caused her.  In that moment of surrender, the peace of Christ filled Valerie’s heart, and the journey of restoration began. Even when she later learned that her first husband had taken his own life, she held onto the grace that had already begun to heal her, trusting in God’s mercy for both of them.

God was leading Valerie further from her past and closer to His purpose.  She was single, yet her deepest desire was to be married.  She said, “Lord, you’re my first love, and if I never get married again, I will trust You, I will serve You, and I will love You.”  Then she just let it go. 

About a year later, she met Rick at a church singles’ event.  They had been going to the same church for seven years and never met.  When we surrender our desire to Him, He gives to us that very thing we surrendered.  Valerie believes, “You have to be willing to say, ‘Lord, I trust You.  I give this desire to You.  I surrender to You.  I’m going to serve You and love You even if I never see this come to pass.’”

Valerie told the Lord, “You have to bring my future husband to me.”  She saw Rick at a couple of the singles’ events but thought nothing of it.  She was with a group of people returning from Great America, an amusement park just north of Chicago, and he opened the car door for her. She thought, “Wow, this is kind of nice.”  What really attracted Valerie to Rick was the way he was a wealth of knowledge about the Word of God and how he talked about how much he loved the Lord.  It was as if a veil had been lifted off her eyes.  Then the two of them became friends.  It was always in a group setting where they all got to know each other.  Valerie believes that it’s safe at any age to meet people that way because you can be your authentic self; you’re not trying to impress anyone. 

Rick eventually asked Valerie out to dinner.  She was upfront about everything – her previous marriage, her two sons.  She didn’t want anything hidden from him from the start.  Valerie knew on that first date that Rick was who the Lord had chosen for her.  She recalls telling her mother afterward, “He’s the one.” 

There were more dates, and their relationship was getting more serious.  After dating for a month and a half, he proposed.  Valerie’s pastor at the time said that if you’ve been dating for six months and you don’t know this is the one for you, you just need to move on.  That was true for Valerie and Rick.  They each knew early on that they were meant to marry one another.  They got married 6 months later.

Rick told Valerie on their first date that he was not going to kiss her until they were married.  She didn’t catch at first that he spoke of their marriage so early into their relationship.  He knew on that first date, just like she also knew on that first date.  After some time had passed, he told her that he respected her and he did not want to have any temptations.  They had both made mistakes in the past and were determined not to repeat them.  Their focus was to honor God first and foremost, then to honor each other.

After Valerie and Rick were married, they had a daughter who is now 20.  Nathaniel is now 29 and just graduated from Bible college.  Brandon is a very present part of their lives. 

Through the trauma Valerie faced, she has come to know that she is loved by the most high God, who created her in His image and wants nothing but the best for her.  When she realized that kind of love, it became easy for her to respect herself and forgive herself.  The past is the past.  Today is a new day.  Valerie would say to any woman, “Let go, and see what God can do.”