Sophia's Story

Sophia and Chris

At the beginning of their relationship, Chris told Sophia that he wanted to court her with the intention of marriage.  Hearing the “M” word caught her off guard because she hadn’t seen many healthy marriages growing up and had resigned herself to the fact that it was not for her.  She was still healing from past relationship wounds.  Years earlier she had even prayed, “Lord, any desire that I have toward marriage or a relationship with intimacy with another person—take that away from me.”

Before they met…

While in law school in Mississippi, Chris had attended a vibrant church and was surrounded by other men of faith, which deepened his walk with the Lord.  He had been involved in some serious relationships in the past, but there were not any that he thought would lead to marriage.  During his first year of law school, he was encouraged by his fellowship group to attend a men’s conference where one of the speakers was Voddie Baucham, Jr., author of What He Must Be…If He Wants to Marry My Daughter.  The conference convicted him in a healthy way.  He heard that men should take marriage seriously and not toy with women’s hearts.  It was a wake-up call that made him reflect on his actions and realize he needed to be more committed in life and in relationships.

Sophia’s earlier perspective on relationships began to shift when she attended a discipleship ministry school in Tennessee, where she was living at the time.  One session focused on unforgiveness and praying for God’s will and provision.  That was when she felt the Holy Spirit speak to her heart: “Marriage is for you.”  She wrestled with that, thinking, “No, I really don’t want that.”  She even told the Lord that if she were ever to get married, He would have to make it happen because she wasn’t up to the idea at all.

When they met…

Not long after that, Sophia’s church hosted a worship night, and later, a group of her friends met up at Applebee’s.  She spotted someone she knew from the discipleship ministry school, and he was with a guy she didn’t recognize.  They had both come from the worship night as well.  She was introduced to the other guy—Chris. He mentioned how much he enjoyed the worship night, so she invited him to visit again for a Sunday service. He took her up on the invitation, and after the service, they exchanged email addresses. That was the beginning of their relationship.

As time went on, she rephrased her earlier prayer about marriage.  She asked God, “Lord, I only want You to bring those feelings back when it’s the one You have for me.”  Although many men pursued Sophia, she never felt that desire—until she met Chris.  When they began spending time together, those feelings instantly returned.

They talked every day and soon began dating. On their first date, Chris told Sophia that he was a student and didn’t have much money, but he wanted to be intentional about spending time with her, getting to know her, and seeing if they were truly compatible—all with the goal of moving toward marriage. The “M” word on the first date!  While this was scary for Sophia, it wasn’t unusual for Chris—he had already begun fasting, praying, reading scripture, and seeking wise counsel about the courtship process and finding a wife even before they met.  Then during one of their late-night phone conversations, as Chris prayed with her, Sophia felt the Holy Spirit move through his prayer and thought, “This man is going to be my husband.” He hadn’t asked yet, but she knew for certain.

Sophia and Chris both sensed that they were “the one” for each other.  They don’t believe in falling in love.  They believe in walking in love.  Sophia says, “One thing about falling is that there’s no sense of control.  When you fall, you can break something.  When you fall, sometimes you can catch yourself; sometimes you can’t.  With walking, you’re intentionally taking step after step.  You’re pacing yourself.  You know what you’re doing and how you’re doing it.”

Before officially beginning their courtship, Sophia and Chris were on a date and were discussing boundaries and expectations for their relationship, especially in the area of intimacy. They each took a napkin and, separately, wrote down what their expectations were—what their boundaries were, what they wanted to avoid, and what kind of relationship they desired. Both of them wanted to pursue purity. They longed for a courtship guided by God’s hand, one marked by integrity and intentionality.

When they exchanged napkins, they were amazed at how aligned their values were. Both had committed to saving sex for marriage. Neither wanted to engage in overly intimate kissing that could stir up desires they weren’t ready to act upon. They shared a deep desire not to let the lust of the flesh interfere with the path God was leading them down.

Sophia and Chris got engaged 3 ½ months after they met.  Then 2 months after that, they got married.

It is spiritual wisdom that lies at the heart of their marriage.  Chris believes that a man’s right preparation must be involved in the process of finding a wife: “Not the superficial, materialistic preparation, but the preparation that examines the heart, and transforms the mind, and gets you into a position as a man of being a protector, provider, priest, and prophet for your family.”  Sophia reflects, “People fall short when they don’t have Christ as the foundation and don’t invite the Holy Spirit into their relationship.”

To hear Sophia and Chris tell a detailed version of their beautiful testimony, watch it here.