Christina's Story

Christina and Jarod

Because her father was in the military, Christina moved around a lot when she was a child.  Born in NJ, she then moved with her parents to Germany and lived there for four years.  Her mother, a full-blooded German, was completing her college education there while her father was stationed in a location where Christina couldn’t join him.  Christina spent a portion of that time in Florida with an aunt and uncle, both of whom were alcoholics.  It was a difficult time for her—she was only in first grade, had just moved to a new country without her parents, and was placed in an unhealthy home environment.  She even failed first grade because she didn’t apply herself.  Things got worse when Christina’s father retired a few years later.  Once that happened, he lost his purpose for living and began drinking heavily. 

Christina moved from Florida to Maryland, and then to Texas.  Around her teenage years was when she noticed her father slipping deeper into alcoholism.  As the disease progressed, he became more detached—often confused, forgetful, and not fully present.  Christina cannot remember a single day he wasn’t drinking after he retired from the military.  He started stealing from Christina and her mother so that he could pay for alcohol. 

Although she went to church with her mother when they moved to Texas, because of the impact alcoholism had on her home life, Christina began to rebel against the church and do things she knew she should not have been doing, including having sex with boys from school.  Christina recalls, “I wanted somebody to love me for me, and so I committed myself to a relationship that I shouldn’t have been in.”  She was lonely, and so she gave all of herself and conformed to what the boyfriend wanted.  There was betrayal and several breakups before Christina fell into a deep depression and withdrew from many things, including spending time with her friends.  She put on a face in front of others in order to get through the day, but as soon as she got home, she barely made it through the door before a torrent of tears overwhelmed her.  The only way she thought at the time to have a mental release from the pain she was feeling was to hurt herself physically, but that didn’t help.  It made things worse. She was dealing with intrusive suicidal thoughts.  Then when Christina was 19, she became pregnant, and the baby’s father moved four hours away without telling her.

She was ashamed to be pregnant out of wedlock, so she hid it as long as she could.  There was a moment when she thought that abortion was the only option, but she often reflected on the strong teachings she received growing up in church, even though she had drifted away.   There was a certain teaching that she would remember from Super Kids Academy, her church’s ministry for children from birth to 5^th grade, or a teaching from the youth group for 6^th to 12^th graders.  She knew she couldn’t go through with taking a life and then live with herself afterwards.  The Lord was clearly speaking to her against abortion, and so she no longer entertained that option. 

That wasn’t the only thing He was speaking to her about.  When thoughts of suicide would come, she again remembered hearing all those years ago in Super Kids Academy that God would not want her to do that to herself.  She was taught at a young age that she has a purpose.  God has a plan for her life. 

Six months into her pregnancy, Christina faced one of her most challenging moments—telling her mother that she was pregnant.  Because her mother was born and raised in Germany, she was shaped by a different time and a different place than many of the American mothers Christina knew.  Discipline often spoke louder than affection.  Her love was quiet and practical; it was often hidden beneath layers of order and expectation.  She wasn’t cold, just cautious with her emotions.  Christina feared being kicked out of the house by her mother, so she approached the situation with a plan.  She had been looking into adoption agencies, and one called her within five minutes of her submitting her inquiry.  She had a conversation with the adoption counselor and worked out all the details.  By the end of the phone call, the counselor’s encouragement gave Christina the courage to tell her mother, and she agreed to do it right away.  She sat down in her mother’s bedroom and said, “I’ve got to tell you something, and please don’t be mad.”  She burst out in tears and said she was pregnant.  Her mother said, “The Lord already told me.”  He was already preparing her mother on how to handle it when Christina actually did tell her.  She handled it with love and mercy.

When the baby was born, a loving family about 300 miles away adopted her.  Christina has a good relationship with the adoptive parents and even got to meet her daughter a couple years ago when she was eight years old.

After giving birth and placing her daughter for adoption, Christina returned to church without shame and rededicated herself to Christ.  All form of guilt was washed away.  She knew Jesus saw her as a new person and didn’t love her any less.  Christina said, “During that time I leaned on the Lord.  He was dropping those teachings from my childhood into my mind every time I thought about doing something I shouldn’t be doing.  There was so much grace.  Even though I turned away from Him, He never left me.”

It wasn't until a few years later that a mutual friend from church introduced Christina to Jarod.  Christina recognized she needed to rebuild her relationship with God before entering into a committed romantic relationship.  She knew Jarod needed to do the same.

Before meeting Christina, Jarod was involved in a serious relationship that became toxic due to his girlfriend’s struggles with depression. This and other factors contributed to their eventual breakup.  Afterwards, he needed to rediscover his identity in Christ, having given so much of himself to the relationship that he no longer recognized who he was.

Christina and Jarod met at a young adult ministry event held at a Main Event Entertainment Center shortly after their church’s large annual convention.  While waiting in line for their bowling shoes and tickets, Christina and Jarod struck up a conversation. Later, they played laser tag together, discussing movies and discovering shared interests. The evening unfolded effortlessly, and they ended up talking into the night.  Later that week, Jarod took Christina fencing—a sport she had always wanted to try. A few days after that, they grabbed hamburgers and browsed through a bookstore together.  There they talked and discovered that they both had a list of qualities that they were believing God for in their spouse.  They matched every single one of each other’s lists.  Later that same month he asked her to be his girlfriend.  He proposed soon after that, and they were engaged for three and a half years before getting married.

From the very beginning of their relationship, they were open in their communication.  Before they started dating, they had a candid conversation about their pasts.  She asked if her history was okay with him, wanting to make sure he wouldn't hold it against her later on.  Jarod reassured her, saying he was completely fine with it.  For their very first kiss, Jarod asked Christina’s permission beforehand.  Christina doesn't recall a specific conversation about setting physical boundaries, but they both understood certain things were off-limits, and they agreed to wait until marriage for sexual intimacy.  They were committed to doing things right.  Their relationship began with prayer, and every step—from engagement to wedding—was bathed in prayer.  They had both grown spiritually and were now ready to approach their relationship God’s way.  Christina says, “It is always God first in our relationship.”

Christina’s spiritual maturity also sustained her when her father’s battle with alcoholism ultimately claimed his life just before her marriage.  She noticed that certain things Jarod said or did triggered memories for her—echoes of her father’s words or actions—and she carried that emotional weight for some time.  A few years after her father’s passing, Christina traveled to his grave in Florida, intending to forgive him—and found peace there.  She realized it was time to let go.  She couldn’t hold her father’s past against Jarod, nor let their history cast a shadow over her marriage.  She kneeled at her father’s grave and said, “I miss you.  I’ll see you in Heaven.  I’m glad that you’re not in pain anymore.  I forgive you.”  Then she also asked him for forgiveness when he was going through his darkest moments and she didn’t know how to handle that or how to help him.  Finally, she said, “I love you,” and moved on.  She left it there at the grave.  It was the closure she needed. Christina chose to forget the fifteen years when her father was off the deep end, instead cherishing all the great memories she had with him.

Christina believes that regardless of your past, if you share the same faith, your husband will accept you and not hold against you any mistakes you may have made.  He will not ask you to change yourself.  He will love you for exactly who you are, how you dress, how you look.  He will not want to change anything about you.  He will respect you and know there are boundaries in a healthy relationship.  Allow yourself to heal from past hurts, and God will bring the perfect husband to you—one who will love you just like God loves you.