Jasmine's Story

Jasmine and Alex

Jasmine and Alex had known each other on and off since grade school, doing school activities together and going on field trips.  They were both brought up in solid, Christian homes.  They had all the same playmates.  They didn’t reconnect until their sophomore year of high school when they became good friends while serving together in the youth group at their church.  Jasmine sang on the worship team, and Alex worked the sound system during the church services.  They both had crushes on other people and would discuss them with each other.  They had a respect for one another early on, and their communication was open and honest.

Growing up, Jasmine was taught the value of her body and the value of sex within the covenant of marriage.  She was taught it was a beautiful thing and not something to be ashamed of.  At 11 years old, Jasmine made the decision that her relationship with Jesus was hers.  Her parents made it clear it was her choice.  It was to be her relationship with the Lord and not through them, because it would not have been enough if it was just through them.

When Jasmine was 15, a lot of boys were asking her out or pursuing her.  She asked her parents what their thoughts were on dating, and they told her to ask the Holy Spirit what He thought.  She prayed about it and decided that she wanted to focus on high school.  Many of the boys her age were not mature anyway.  She made the decision not to date until she was at least a senior in high school. 

During their sophomore year was when Jasmine and Alex grew to be best friends.  Because of their open communication, they asked each other about what they thought about sex before marriage, and both agreed they wanted to wait for their spouse.  They didn’t want to be like everybody else.  Many of their classmates around them, in public school and in private school, were already having sex.  Jasmine and Alex thought purity was a valuable thing.  It was something beautiful to wait for.  If they ever had feelings for one another they promised to tell each other right away.  It wouldn’t be over the phone or by text but would need to be face-to-face.  They valued that type of communication while many of their friends seemed to hide behind their phones.  By the time she reached her senior year, before her 18th birthday, they both realized feelings for each other the same weekend. 

Throughout their friendship, when there was something newsworthy to tell each other, they made it a plan to tell it in person during youth group on Wednesday nights.  They both volunteered the following Wednesday, and so they were at church early.  They asked each other, “Oh yeah, what did you want to tell me?”  And that’s when they both confessed their feelings for one another.  She asked Alex, “What now?”  He said, “I want to be with you, but let’s not rush this.  There is no rush.  We’re young.”  They were both just seniors in high school. 

Another thing they talked about, besides saving sex for marriage, was that they wouldn’t date around.  They didn’t believe in dating for experience because that was just practicing for divorce.  Dating should be unto something greater.  They both wanted it to be unto marriage.  Jasmine’s parents printed out a list of rules from a ministry that teaches healthy teen dating.  Alex was over for dinner one night and they handed it to him and told him to read it, think about it, and then come back.  Some of the things he read were:

No hands below a certain point.

No sharing a blanket.

No napping together.

Never have the door closed if you’re alone together.

Don’t sit alone in parked cars.

The heart of it was to keep them safe.  He came back and told Jasmine’s parents that he would abide by these rules because she’s worth it. 

Jasmine admits, “We pretty much broke all of those rules.”  It was not on purpose with a rebellious heart.  “We didn’t realize that temptation is so real.”  They came to a place about a year into their relationship where they realized that the rules were something they should abide by, but not because they were told to or because somebody else gave them these rules, but because they loved each other and loved themselves and wanted to respect their bodies and keep each other pure.  They realized they couldn’t keep any of the rules without loving God and loving each other.  They were only able to keep those rules and boundaries by focusing on their love for the Lord because they did it unto Him.  They chose to do it to honor Him.  They did it to honor each other.

Even with the best intentions and solid, good parenting, temptation still tried to creep in.  Jasmine didn’t struggle with pornography, but she struggled with the spirit of it.  She was still watching things should shouldn’t have been watching, which opened the door to the spirit of lust that was trying to get her to cave in and forget about her strong belief to remain pure.  She is thankful for the type of parents she has, but even if you don’t come from a strong family, Jasmine believes you reach an age where you must take responsibility for what is important and virtuous to you. 

The spirit of lust was a constant temptation for Jasmine.  She felt like she was repeatedly saying “No” in her own strength.  She realized that was the key.  She was trying to resist it in her own strength.  She did not yet have the revelation that she is dead to this and alive to God.  Jasmine says, “I actually have no more obligation to obey these temptations and fleshly desires because that spirit of lust is dead.  It was crucified with Christ.  And now I’m a new creation.

“It wasn’t until I moved away from my parents for a semester to go to school that I experienced true freedom and realized it was no longer me, but the blood of Jesus that really cleansed me. It wasn’t something I had to try to do or try not to do.  I was just washed by His perfect love.

“During that time, I didn’t have my parents to help me out.  I had to turn completely to the Lord, and that’s where He truly wants us to be.  I was blessed with having them as my parents but sometimes we can make even the blessings that God has given us as our god.  When we’re stripped of that, that’s when we realize that He needs to be on the throne of our hearts.” 

Jasmine was one of the first of the girls in her peer group to date and took on somewhat of a big-sister role.  She encouraged them to have friends that they could go to for accountability if they didn’t have the type of relationship with their parents that she had with hers.  She would advise them to get around other adults, married couples, and people ahead of them in life who had fruitful families that were healthy and functioning.  If they were not God-centered, she would advise them not to listen to them.  “God’s ways are better than our ways,” she would tell them.  “He’s the protector of our hearts.  He gives us these boundaries and this wisdom for a reason.  But you still have a part to play.  You have to be humble.  You have to choose to listen to the right people who are speaking into your life.”

Unfortunately, Jasmine and Alex had some poor leadership examples.  They were hearing things like “anything but intercourse is fine.”  They knew it was wrong advice, but because it was a church leader talking, they were confused, and they admitted to being naïve.  Jasmine and Alex saw the fruit of it in their relationship.  For example, any time they would cross a boundary or break a rule, they realized it brought out the worst in them.  It would cause them to fight about the smallest things.  They realized they needed the Lord in order to walk their relationship out in purity because they couldn’t do it in their own strength.  That was the turning point.  After that, whenever they were on a date or went to each other’s house, and nothing would happen, they celebrated every time.  They would go home at night, call each other on the phone to say Good Night, and they’d talk about how happy they were that they didn’t do anything to break the rules.  It felt so good.  When their parents asked them how their time together was, they didn’t have anything to hide.

That was another thing Jasmine admired about Alex.  He pushed her towards her parents.  They both knew that confessing to parents and friends was good for them, so this is how they remained accountable.  It was a blessing that their parents supported purity in such a Godly way and not in a condemning way.  They were thankful they could go to them.

Once, before they were dating and Jasmine was telling Alex about one of the boys who she once had a crush on, she told him that they even told each other that they loved each other.  Alex said to her, “Well, then it wasn’t real love.  If it was, it wouldn’t have failed.”  She was astounded by this 17-year old’s wisdom!  She was offended but didn’t want to admit that he was right.  They agreed later when they were dating that they didn’t want to use those words lightly.  They’re meaningful words.  They would be on the phone at night and there would be silent little moments, and they could feel those words hovering over them.  She acknowledged it and asked him, “What are we waiting for?”  Alex told her he’s waiting for a green light from the Lord.  He’s waiting for peace to release those words to her because they are heavy words.  One day while she was driving to his house, she felt the Lord say, “You can tell him.”  She was so excited but didn’t want to be the first one to say it.  She got to his house.  They were sitting together.  He gave her a hug.  He said he wants to tell her something and proceeded to say, “I am in love with you.”  So then she said it back to him.  When they talked about it afterward, asking each other when they got the “green light” from the Lord, he said he got it that morning when he was praying.  It was the same time that she also heard from the Lord.

That summer of 2020 was when Jasmine fell in love with Alex.  That’s when she also fell in love with Jesus all over again, in a new way.  They dated for 4 ½ years before Alex proposed.  The Lord displays parts of His character, gentleness, and romance through Alex.  She loves being loved by the Lord through her husband because that’s what a bridegroom is supposed to represent.

Jasmine recognizes from her own experience that, “The heart of marriage, purity, and holy passion is to mirror Jesus’ relationship with us.  Our focus should be on how much He loves us.  It’s from that place that we get to fall in love, love others, and love ourselves.”