Christina's Story

Christina and Jarod

Because her father was in the military, Christina moved around a lot when she was a child.  Born in NJ, she then moved with her parents to Germany and lived there for four years.  Her mother, a full-blooded German, was completing her college education there while her father was stationed in a location where Christina couldn’t join him.  Christina spent a portion of that time in Florida with an aunt and uncle, both of whom were alcoholics.  It was a difficult time for her—she was only in first grade, had just moved to a new country without her parents, and was placed in an unhealthy home environment.  She even failed first grade because she didn’t apply herself.  Things got worse when Christina’s father retired a few years later.  Once that happened, he lost his purpose for living and began drinking heavily. 

Christina moved from Florida to Maryland, and then to Texas.  Around her teenage years was when she noticed her father slipping deeper into alcoholism.  As the disease progressed, he became more detached—often confused, forgetful, and not fully present.  Christina cannot remember a single day he wasn’t drinking after he retired from the military.  He started stealing from Christina and her mother so that he could pay for alcohol. 

Although she went to church with her mother when they moved to Texas, because of the impact alcoholism had on her home life, Christina began to rebel against the church and do things she knew she should not have been doing, including having sex with boys from school.  Christina recalls, “I wanted somebody to love me for me, and so I committed myself to a relationship that I shouldn’t have been in.”  She was lonely, and so she gave all of herself and conformed to what the boyfriend wanted.  There was betrayal and several breakups before Christina fell into a deep depression and withdrew from many things, including spending time with her friends.  She put on a face in front of others in order to get through the day, but as soon as she got home, she barely made it through the door before a torrent of tears overwhelmed her.  The only way she thought at the time to have a mental release from the pain she was feeling was to hurt herself physically, but that didn’t help.  It made things worse. She was dealing with intrusive suicidal thoughts.  Then when Christina was 19, she became pregnant, and the baby’s father moved four hours away without telling her.

She was ashamed to be pregnant out of wedlock, so she hid it as long as she could.  There was a moment when she thought that abortion was the only option, but she often reflected on the strong teachings she received growing up in church, even though she had drifted away.   There was a certain teaching that she would remember from Super Kids Academy, her church’s ministry for children from birth to 5^th grade, or a teaching from the youth group for 6^th to 12^th graders.  She knew she couldn’t go through with taking a life and then live with herself afterwards.  The Lord was clearly speaking to her against abortion, and so she no longer entertained that option. 

That wasn’t the only thing He was speaking to her about.  When thoughts of suicide would come, she again remembered hearing all those years ago in Super Kids Academy that God would not want her to do that to herself.  She was taught at a young age that she has a purpose.  God has a plan for her life. 

Six months into her pregnancy, Christina faced one of her most challenging moments—telling her mother that she was pregnant.  Because her mother was born and raised in Germany, she was shaped by a different time and a different place than many of the American mothers Christina knew.  Discipline often spoke louder than affection.  Her love was quiet and practical; it was often hidden beneath layers of order and expectation.  She wasn’t cold, just cautious with her emotions.  Christina feared being kicked out of the house by her mother, so she approached the situation with a plan.  She had been looking into adoption agencies, and one called her within five minutes of her submitting her inquiry.  She had a conversation with the adoption counselor and worked out all the details.  By the end of the phone call, the counselor’s encouragement gave Christina the courage to tell her mother, and she agreed to do it right away.  She sat down in her mother’s bedroom and said, “I’ve got to tell you something, and please don’t be mad.”  She burst out in tears and said she was pregnant.  Her mother said, “The Lord already told me.”  He was already preparing her mother on how to handle it when Christina actually did tell her.  She handled it with love and mercy.

When the baby was born, a loving family about 300 miles away adopted her.  Christina has a good relationship with the adoptive parents and even got to meet her daughter a couple years ago when she was eight years old.

After giving birth and placing her daughter for adoption, Christina returned to church without shame and rededicated herself to Christ.  All form of guilt was washed away.  She knew Jesus saw her as a new person and didn’t love her any less.  Christina said, “During that time I leaned on the Lord.  He was dropping those teachings from my childhood into my mind every time I thought about doing something I shouldn’t be doing.  There was so much grace.  Even though I turned away from Him, He never left me.”

It wasn't until a few years later that a mutual friend from church introduced Christina to Jarod.  Christina recognized she needed to rebuild her relationship with God before entering into a committed romantic relationship.  She knew Jarod needed to do the same.

Before meeting Christina, Jarod was involved in a serious relationship that became toxic due to his girlfriend’s struggles with depression. This and other factors contributed to their eventual breakup.  Afterwards, he needed to rediscover his identity in Christ, having given so much of himself to the relationship that he no longer recognized who he was.

Christina and Jarod met at a young adult ministry event held at a Main Event Entertainment Center shortly after their church’s large annual convention.  While waiting in line for their bowling shoes and tickets, Christina and Jarod struck up a conversation. Later, they played laser tag together, discussing movies and discovering shared interests. The evening unfolded effortlessly, and they ended up talking into the night.  Later that week, Jarod took Christina fencing—a sport she had always wanted to try. A few days after that, they grabbed hamburgers and browsed through a bookstore together.  There they talked and discovered that they both had a list of qualities that they were believing God for in their spouse.  They matched every single one of each other’s lists.  Later that same month he asked her to be his girlfriend.  He proposed soon after that, and they were engaged for three and a half years before getting married.

From the very beginning of their relationship, they were open in their communication.  Before they started dating, they had a candid conversation about their pasts.  She asked if her history was okay with him, wanting to make sure he wouldn't hold it against her later on.  Jarod reassured her, saying he was completely fine with it.  For their very first kiss, Jarod asked Christina’s permission beforehand.  Christina doesn't recall a specific conversation about setting physical boundaries, but they both understood certain things were off-limits, and they agreed to wait until marriage for sexual intimacy.  They were committed to doing things right.  Their relationship began with prayer, and every step—from engagement to wedding—was bathed in prayer.  They had both grown spiritually and were now ready to approach their relationship God’s way.  Christina says, “It is always God first in our relationship.”

Christina’s spiritual maturity also sustained her when her father’s battle with alcoholism ultimately claimed his life just before her marriage.  She noticed that certain things Jarod said or did triggered memories for her—echoes of her father’s words or actions—and she carried that emotional weight for some time.  A few years after her father’s passing, Christina traveled to his grave in Florida, intending to forgive him—and found peace there.  She realized it was time to let go.  She couldn’t hold her father’s past against Jarod, nor let their history cast a shadow over her marriage.  She kneeled at her father’s grave and said, “I miss you.  I’ll see you in Heaven.  I’m glad that you’re not in pain anymore.  I forgive you.”  Then she also asked him for forgiveness when he was going through his darkest moments and she didn’t know how to handle that or how to help him.  Finally, she said, “I love you,” and moved on.  She left it there at the grave.  It was the closure she needed. Christina chose to forget the fifteen years when her father was off the deep end, instead cherishing all the great memories she had with him.

Christina believes that regardless of your past, if you share the same faith, your husband will accept you and not hold against you any mistakes you may have made.  He will not ask you to change yourself.  He will love you for exactly who you are, how you dress, how you look.  He will not want to change anything about you.  He will respect you and know there are boundaries in a healthy relationship.  Allow yourself to heal from past hurts, and God will bring the perfect husband to you—one who will love you just like God loves you.

Bea's Story

Bea and Ken

Church was the center of life in the mid-20^th century in Southern Oklahoma, where Bea grew up.  Her parents served their impoverished farming community, assisting others whenever and however they could.  It was the way of life for Bea and her three sisters, and although they may have been deprived of modern luxuries, their life was rich in tradition, faith, and community.  

Sometimes during the dinner prayer, Bea would peek at her daddy with his eyes squeezed shut and lips moving like he was really talking to someone – and that always made her wonder.  It wasn’t long before she learned who he was talking to – when she herself gave her heart to the Lord. Bea’s days were filled with joy, nourished by the love of her family, her church, and her community.  When Bea was about 10 years old, she hadn’t thought much about getting married until her Sunday school teacher told the girls, “Pray for your Godly mate and wait until God brings him into your life.  Trust Him to do that for you.  Don’t go looking for him.  Trust God that He’ll bring that man into your life when it is the right time.”  Bea believed her, and it totally changed her life.  She started praying that, even at that young age.

Bea grew up in a strong, loving family with God in the center.  Though they didn’t have many material things, she was blessed with an abundantly happy life.  Bea says of her father that he was a man among men who showed unconditional love like no one she has ever met.  He was a farmer, and Bea’s mother, like other women at the time, was a homemaker.  There weren’t many places for a woman to work outside of the home.  Then when Bea was a teenager, the Haggar Slack Company opened a factory in a little town close to where they lived, and many women started working there.  Bea’s mother did as well, and it changed the whole trajectory of their family.  She got up early and was gone all day at the factory.  Bea’s older sister had already gotten married and moved out of the house, so Bea and her two younger sisters had to take on a lot of the housework that their mother had once done.  They had more chores, but they also had more income.  This was a blessing because farm life meant relying each season on whether the crops came in.  Bea remembers her father just rolling with it, trusting fully that God would supply all their needs.

Bea met Ken when she was 15 and he was 17, but they didn’t go to the same school.  They lived seven miles apart, on opposite sides of the county line that divided their small Southern Oklahoma school districts.  Students at Bea’s school were exempt from semester tests if they had good grades and good attendance.  Bea never had to take a semester test.  One day at the end of the semester, a friend from the other school invited Bea to go to school with her.  Some of her friends didn’t understand why she would want to go to school when she didn’t have to, but Bea loved school and loved people, and so that sounded like a fun adventure to her.

That morning on the school bus, Bea’s friend kept announcing who would be getting on next.   When the bus stopped in front of one house, Bea’s friend said, “This will be Kenny.  He’s a senior.  He’ll get on the bus singing.”  And he did.  He laughingly said to Bea, “You’re in my seat!”  They ended up talking together the entire ride.  The following night was Friday, and the girls had previously planned on going skating.  Ken and his friends showed up at the rink also.  The very next night Ken and Bea double-dated with another couple to a Billy Graham film at a church youth rally.  Afterwards they went to town for a Coke.  True to his playful nature, he grinned and asked her, “Will you marry me?”  They both laughed at the question, but they also knew he wasn’t entirely joking.  They connected instantly on that first date and knew they were meant to be together.  They never dated anyone else.

Ken also grew up in a loving family that faithfully attended church together.  He started attending Bea’s church with her and began to grow in his understanding of the Bible.  Every Friday and Saturday night Ken would go to Bea’s house, and they’d go out somewhere on a date.  Then when he went away to Cameron University the following year, they didn’t see much of each other.  Although he was only in Lawton, OK, that was still an hour away, and back then you didn’t just hop in your car and go wherever you wanted because of the cost.  It was the same with long-distance phone calls.  They kept in touch by writing letters instead.  Their early days together were filled with beautiful love letters that captured the deepening bond between them.  Ken transferred to the University of Central Oklahoma in Edmond, and when Bea graduated from high school, she got a scholarship to Cameron.  She admits it was miserable that they couldn’t be together, so she gave up the scholarship.  They married in May and lived with Ken’s parents until moving into student housing on campus at UCO in August. 

Bea remembers this as one of the sweetest times in their lives.  They both finished college.  They had little in terms of money, but to Bea, those times were rich in love and memories – she wouldn’t trade that season of her life for anything.  Over the years, many people have told her that the first few years of marriage can be rough because that’s when you’re really getting to know your spouse.  It wasn’t that way for Bea.  She and Ken knew each other well from all their letter-writing to one another.  They spent time getting to know each other.  Bea regards the letters as precious treasures because she was able to pick them up to read again and again.

Before Ken and Bea were married, they definitely faced temptations to be physically intimate, but they were committed to honoring their values.  Bea didn’t feel comfortable talking about these things with her mother, but her older sister was a great source of guidance whenever she had questions or needed advice.  Bea told Ken, “The decisions we make now determine our whole life.  What do we want our future to look like?”  Ken was so willing to hear that, and he agreed with it.  When one of them struggled in this area, the other stepped in with faith and support to help them both stay strong. 

It bears repeating that Bea says her father was such a good man who walked out the Word of God so beautifully.  She also says that she adored Ken’s father just as much.  He was a wonderful man who loved Bea dearly.  Ken’s parents took her in from the moment they met.  They were both so good to her.  There was a moment of darkness in her life when her father-in-law transitioned to Heaven at only 56 years old.  The family quickly turned their eyes toward Jesus and the hope of a sweet reunion with him one day.  Bea said she learned to turn the dark to light so quickly.  That’s how she’s lived her life.

Ken and Bea went on to build a successful life and family together and are thankful to all the Godly people they’ve crossed paths with throughout the years.   As Bea reflects over her life, she says, “I have over 125 friends and relatives who have been married for over 50 years; they are approaching 60 years of marriage now, and there are six who have been married over 70 years.  This represents a lot of solidness.  They are all Christians.”  Ken and Bea’s legacy lives on in their two daughters, whom they’ve taught to serve God and serve others, and they in turn are teaching their children to do the same.

Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalms 37:4)

Ken and Bea tell their love story here in a video they made to celebrate 50 years from the day they first met. 

Bea is currently on the Board of Directors of Body & Soul Fitness.

Helen's Story

Helen and Sam

To a distant observer, Helen’s household might have seemed like any typical family of five, with her parents and two brothers going about their daily lives.  But inside, the house was quiet.  It was the kind of quiet that felt heavy, not peaceful.  Love was not a word people used there.  There wasn’t any touching.  Helen has no recollection of her parents sleeping in the same room.  They seemed to live parallel lives under the same roof, never colliding with one another.  Helen wondered quietly and often what love was supposed to look like. 

Her mother met a man who provided the emotional stability she associated with love, prompting her to leave Helen's father. They divorced shortly after, and Helen’s mother married that man.  This was when Helen was in middle school.  Growing up without affection, Helen became desperate for it and started dating during her sophomore year of high school.  The attention and affection that she received as a teenager in her dating relationships could have been assuaged a little bit if she had experienced some physical affection from the people in her life who should have been giving it to her.

Helen dated the same boy through her freshman year of college.  Although physically tempted, she held back, hearing her mother’s voice in the back of her head telling her that sex was like a bag of chips: “You tell yourself one chip is enough, but you always end up wanting more.”  If she was willing to have sex with one boy, she was likely to have sex with others too.  Fear of getting pregnant also caused Helen to wait, until the temptation finally became too strong after a few years, and she gave in. 

They eventually broke up when he moved away to college.  In a short time, he married another woman, got divorced from her, and then started interacting again with Helen during her junior year in college.  Helen married him within a year after his divorce.  She said that if she would have had someone speaking wisdom into her life, she would have avoided the marriage.  Her parents offered no real support.  Despite concerns about his character, rather than guiding her away from a possible mistake, they told her what she wanted to hear and urged her to marry him.  They were married for a year, but during that time, he was unfaithful, and she came to realize there were other disturbing sides to him she hadn’t seen before.

Helen said she got married to him out of guilt because she was already sleeping with him and wanted to make it right.  She knew she shouldn’t be having sex outside of the confines of marriage.  Because of her upbringing, Helen didn’t know what a real relationship should look like.  She deeply desired to have her own family.  She longed for the whole package but struggled to believe that God could truly give her something so great.  Her brief marriage mirrored the one she witnessed as a child – her husband was nothing more than a roommate. 

At some point the Lord had gotten a hold of her.  She began attending church regularly.  She knew she should stop drinking.  Helen also sought counseling to understand why she was drawn to men like her ex-husband and how to deal with other emotional issues.

She recalls once when she and a date returned to her apartment, and as they became physical, she began to feel unsafe.  She told him that she didn’t know him that well, and fortunately, things between them came to a stop.  When he left, Helen sat down on her couch and told God, “You have to put me in a bubble because I don’t know what to do or how to handle these situations.”  Not one man had pursued her since that prayer.  If a man talked to or engaged with her at all, she was completely obtuse to the whole thing.  She also discovered that men who were father figures to Helen, such as her pastor at the time, were protecting her.  “No, you leave her alone,” they would say to potential suitors.

In her early thirties, Helen felt more emotionally ready to date again.  She began praying about being married.  She felt that the Lord showed her a lot of things about healthy marriages, even though there was no man in her social purview who was single, her age, and whom she was interested in.  As Helen drew closer to God, she knew that He was revealing to her that she would be married again and would have children.  She had visions of them, where she would not see their faces but would sense their presence and know they were her family.  As an act of faith, Helen started preparing her house for a family and even felt led by God to start writing her future husband letters when she was dealing with the emotions of wanting him to be there already.  She trusted that God would bring her the right man at the perfect time. 

 She had been using the eHarmony dating app and was direct in her response to a man who asked her out for a second date.  “To be honest,” she told him, “We’ve been sitting here drinking a cup of coffee for two hours, and you’ve been complaining about your family the whole time.  I don’t want to be a member of that family.  I would rather not be the one that you complain about in five years.  Think about what I’m saying and think about what you’re doing.”  She decided not to use the dating app any longer and stopped paying for the service.  She found she was not interested in men like she had been before.  She only wanted who God wanted for her.

There was a man in Georgia named Sam who saw a free promotion one weekend for the eHarmony dating app and thought he’d give it a try.  He wondered who some of his potential matches were.  During that time, Helen had been traveling back and forth from her home in Indiana to Tennessee to help one of her brothers with a family matter but found herself free that same weekend when eHarmony ran the special offer.  She wondered who some of her potential matches were. 

Sam and Helen met for free on eHarmony and began a long-distance relationship.  It was during this time that Helen’s ex-husband tracked her down and asked her to forgive him for all the hurt that he caused and for all that he lied about in the past.  He asked if they could be friends.  She told him she knew she would remarry and said to him, “I am pretty sure that my husband will not want you to be in my life.  So, no, you and I cannot be friends.  We cannot be in contact.  Not even from afar.”

Meanwhile, while Sam and Helen were getting to know one another, they emailed for the first month or so, and then he asked if he could call her on the phone.  She remembered that she liked his voice when she heard him for the first time and felt like the Lord was telling her that he was the one.  She thought she was just making it up in her head because how could he be the one if they only just recently met on the Internet and just started talking on the phone?  Sam told her he wanted to meet her, but she was extremely leery of the whole situation.  She knew it was time, but she had been hurt so much from past relationships and was scared.  They continued talking and using FaceTime to communicate for a few more months.  They talked every day.   She finally went ahead and agreed to meet Sam. 

He went to college later in life and would soon be graduating.  She was a teacher and was already starting summer break.  He took the trip to Indiana in May to meet her and spent a week there so that they could get to know one another.  Helen was scared and uncomfortable.  She told him she was not going to kiss him and was not going to be affectionate with him; she was not interested in any of that.  She told him, “If you’re interested in me, then you’re just going to have to deal with it because I don’t know for sure.”  He went back to Georgia not knowing at all if she was even interested in him.

Sam had been involved in past romantic relationships, but they never led up to intercourse.  He endeavored to remain pure for his future bride.  He was raised in a Christian home but did not see a lot of demonstration of purity growing up.  His parents had also divorced when he was a teenager, and he also did not have any role models that demonstrated a loving marriage relationship. 

As their relationship progressed, Helen and Sam agreed not to do anything physical beyond kissing each other.  Period.  There was a very stark line.  Helen did not want this relationship to be like all of her others.  They both didn’t want any indiscretion before the Lord.  As a child, Helen read through the Bible and was well aware that sex was reserved for marriage, but there were numerous times growing up that she would stumble in this area.  She remembers the Holy Spirit telling her that what she was doing was wrong and giving her the chance to put an end to things, but eventually she just ignored the promptings.   The Lord always gives us a way out, but we have to decide on our own to listen to that voice inside of us.  Helen had finally reached a place in her life where she wanted to do things right.  She wanted to do things God’s way.

Helen admits that both she and Sam knew on their first phone call that the Lord was putting both of them together, but they were both nervous about how the relationship would progress, having seen their parents go through unstable marriages.  They wanted to be assured that they were both hearing from God and wanted to feel comfortable about where the relationship was heading.  

In June, Helen went to Georgia to visit him for a week.  She was staying at his aunt’s house, and there was a big birthday party for Sam that month.  He was a youth pastor at his church, and so the head pastors were like parents to him.  They demonstrated to him what a healthy marriage looks like.  Helen remembers the pastor’s wife cross-examining her about her character, and she wondered why this stranger was asking all sorts of probing questions.  Helen didn’t know it at the time, but the pastor’s wife had been praying for more than ten years for the Lord to bring Sam a wife, so she was examining Helen since she was the girl who traveled all the way from Indiana to visit him. 

It was during that trip in June that Helen and Sam discussed marriage.  They had talked on the phone for a total of six months.  There were a couple more back-and-forth trips, and then at the end of July, before she had to start teaching again, she made another trip to Georgia, and that’s when Sam presented her with a ring and proposed.  She continued teaching in Indiana and then resigned from her position on Thanksgiving and moved to Georgia.  They got married the following December.  They were both in their thirties and agreed that a long engagement was a moot thing, especially since they knew they were hearing from the Lord and past hurts had been healed. 

The night before their wedding, Helen gave Sam the stack of letters that she had written him months before ever meeting him, letters she had written in faith that God would fulfill His promise to her.  Helen and Sam have four children, two boys and two girls, ranging in age from five to ten.  As a child, Helen doesn’t recall even her grandparents hugging or kissing or even touching each other.  In her family, you only got a hug if something bad happened.  She has memories of wanting to be close to her mother and her mother pushing her away.  Sam’s family was the complete opposite.  He grew up with many healthy hugs.  The Lord knows what He’s doing when He brings a husband and a wife together.  Helen now makes it a point to snuggle often with her children.  To a distant observer, it is evident that this family is wrapped in the arms of a loving Father, and they share that love with one another.